The Pick Up

So its still mid-summer and you still haven't been able to find a summer fling. Well, you're either some ugly loser, or you have no confidence. If you're an ugly loser, please stop reading....seriously, GO AWAY!! This blog is NOT for you. I give advice, not miracles. But if you're semi attractive, but are just unsure as to how to approach a girl, well....its time for The Pick Up!!

Juice it Up:

So you're in one of those smoothie stores and see a cute chick. You'd like to talk to her, but you've got no balls....sad. Here's what you don't do!!

Do not order her a smoothie (she's got a job, let her get one herself)
Do not spill you smoothie on her (this is NOT cute, it only works on tv)
Do not ask her for advice on picking out a smoothie (too cliche)

So now that you know what not to do, here's what you should do:

Ask her for advice picking out a smoothie...wait what? Yeah, I know I said you shouldn't, but that because you would've done it the dumb way. Here's how you should do it, walk up to her and say.
"Um...hi...yeah, I usually don't do this, but I saw you drinking the smoothie from across the room and just had to ask...um...what kind of smoothie did you get?"

Now, what ever she says, say "Really? Hmmm...I thought you'd be more of a ____ kind of person."
If she asks "why?", then you're in. Make small talk about how you can tell a lot about someone by the smoothie that they drink. See...was that so hard. You should be able to go from there. Breaking the ice is the hardest part, and I just helped you do that...please deposit in my PayPal account.

The Google vs Yahoo

How do you search? I've noticed that every old person I know uses "Yahoo", while all the younger cats use "The Google". Yes, "The Google". Not "Google", but "The Google". Why not just "Google"? Well, that word has now become a verb. Its something that you do, not a person, place, or thing. "The Google", is a now and website, but "Google" is something that you do....see the difference?

Yeah, its a bit nerdy, but I thought it was worth noting.

So next time you want to search for "Oil of Olay Products". Don't "search" for it..."google" it.

Return of the Megaton!! aka Bathroom Stalled

Back...yes, after being gone for so long. Anyways, time for some new posts.

So I went to dinner with one of my friends. Cute smile, beautiful green eyes. Where was I? Oh yeah...so dinner is over and she needs to use the restroom. Why do women have such small bladders? Seriously, they're peeing like every 15 minutes!!! Forget stomach stappling, there should be bladder expanding surgery....maybe that's excessive.

So she heads to the ladies room and I'm waiting at the table. Ten minutes later and I'm still waiting at the table...where is this girl? Maybe she's doing a number 2?.....ewwwwwwww.....Five more minutes, she finally returns, and looks exasperated.

"Are you ok?", I ask. She looks frustrated and decides to recount what happened in the bathroom.

She went in, closed the door. Tinkled...I just said tinkle...sad... Got up and tried to leave. The door wouldn't open. She pushed and pushed and the door wouldn't open. Try as she might to move the might wooden bathroom door, it would not budge. Approaching tears she reached for her cell phone to call for help...but alas...no signal. Angered and panicked she pushed again, and pushed again, and pushed again....until she decided to pull....and the door swung open.